Musings by Kamal Kumar

प्यारो म मलाई औपचारिकतादेखि घृणा लाग्छ । अनि यति भन्दा भन्दै पनि औपचारिक हुने आफ्नै बानीदेखि अनौठो लाग्छ । मन नपर्ने सबै कुराबाट भाग्न सकिँदैन । मन परेजस्तो गरिदिनु । रमाए जस्तो गरिदिनु । थाहा छैन मान्छेलाई के ले बाँधेको हुन्छ । मलाई नि बाँधेकै होला केहीले त । मैले आफैंलाई प्यारो भनेर सम्बोधन गरेपछि मलाई माथीका हरफ फुरेका हुन्, सबभन्दा पहिला । अनि माथिका हरफमा धेरै ध्यान दिएर वर्षौं अथवा महिनौंपछि कुन संजोगले लेख्न थालेको पत्रको विषय नै बिर्सेछु । शायद अब यही 'प्यारो' को विषयमा  थप केही हरफ लेख्नु पर्ला । मेरो लेखाइ बिग्रेको हो कि मुड । पहिले जस्तो मजा आइरहेको छैन लेख्दा । जबर्जस्ति लेखेको जस्तो लागिराछ । अलिअलि जबर्जस्ती पनि हो । भाषा पनि बिग्रेछ । अगि जबर्जस्ति ह्रस्व लेखेँ । पछिल्लो लाइनमा दीर्घ । सामाजिक सन्जालमा पोखिएका वह साह्रै सस्तो लाग्छन् । त्यसैले मन लाग्दा लाग्दै पनि पोख्न सकिनँ । कतिचोटी लेख्दै मेट्दै गरेँ । हामीलाई सामाजिक मूल्याङ्कनदेखि डर लाग्ने बानी परेछ । लेनादेना केही नभए पनि । पूँजिको समाज । स्टाटस र इम्प्रेसनको समाज । अस्ति भर्खर ब्रीज अफ स्पाइज ...

प्रिय हराएको तिमी, हुन त तिमी हुनु र नहुनुमा खासै अन्तर लागेको छैन । तै पनि कता कता तिमी हरायौ कि जस्तो लाग्दो रहेछ । हुन सक्छ म पनि कहिँ कतै हराएँ होला । तिमी हराउनु अथवा म हराउनु; हुन सक्छ हामी दुबै हराउनुको 'महशुस गर्नु पनि त तिमी हुनु र नहुनुको अन्तर महशुस गर्नु नै हो' भनेर तर्क गर्न सक्छौ तिमी । थाहा छ तिमीलाई, म सँधै विरोधाभाषी छु । मैले भनिसकेँ तिमी हराएदेखि, अथवा त्यो पलदेखि जब तिमी हराएको एउटा गाढा महशुस हुन थालेदेखि खासै फरक पाएको छैन मैले म वरिपरिको दुनियाँमा । स्वभाविक र प्राकृतिक परिवर्तनहरु त तिमी हुँदा पनि हुन्छन्, तिमी नहुँदा नि हुन्छन्, हामी दुबै नहुँदा नि हुन्छन् । भइरहन्छन् । तिम्रो आँगन, तिम्रो झ्याल अथवा तिमी रहेको बन्द कोठाको एउटा सानो प्वालबाट पनि तिमी त्यो छिर्केमिर्के संसार देखिरहेकी छ्यौ होला जुन मैले पनि देखेको छु । तिमी हरेक साँझ एउटा रातो सूर्यास्त हेरेर केही बेर टोलाउँछ्यौ होला म पनि टोलाउने गर्दछु । अनि हरेक रङ्गीन विहानीमा तिमीमा पनि सपनाका उन्मुक्त रंग चढ्छ होला ममा जस्तै । फरक यत्ति छ हामी छिर्केमिर्के संसार, रातो सूर्यास्त र रङ्गीन विहान...

I was born as a typical Nepali street dog, somewhere near Chitwan National Park. I do not remember my birthday. But my god-parents have given me a birthday. January 11, 2012 was just another cold night in Saurha. Restaurants were crowded with tourists, there were music, alcohol, food, and fire. Nobody would see me or care me. I lost my parents. I was trying to live with thrown leftovers and whatever I could find to eat. I had wounds, scratches and lots of leeches all over my body. Life was a misery. And I had stopped crying. For few days I cried a lot but nobody cared. Suddenly some boys and girls came and picked me just to say hello. They held me for few minutes on their warm lap. Later they tried to leave me where they found me earlier, near a restaurant in the beach. They thought that I belong to the restaurant owner. But the restaurant owner did not allow them to leave me there, claiming that I do not belong to them. Those 4 guys did not have any option except taking me...

Dearest Past, You began with the 23 pairs of chromosome and drove me to the age of 23. You gave me lots of cheers and despairs. The science of life and the art of living always reacted with the missing plugins.You gave me hope. That's why I am still alive. Thanks for the MEMORIES.

Dear Dolly, You might have already moved to that "city of waterfalls" with your friend. Or you might have already reached there. I know, your country already saw sunset today. And I expected you to reach the city before sunset. Wherever you are, you forget to convey your farewell before you went there this morning. I was really expecting some words from you when you are being far from your usualness. But I don’t mind, I know some fragile existences don’t get bothered to be remembered. I think, I was overshadowed by the excitement of joys of a doll, who is keeping herself far from the everyday stresses, at least for two days.  Today I am not writing you about the usual bla bla about our mysterious relationship. I was somewhat inspired by something today. That’s why today was little bit different than yesterday and other previous days. It is the only urge to share some feelings with you. After daring to be irresponsible towards my busy schedule in office, I rolled toward a ...

Dear moon, This year I have been musing about winter more than necessary. You may delineate me as a PR officer of the winter, who is assigned to stir up propaganda about the winter. Now let me talk about the beauty of the beautiful and wise of the wisdom. Its you dear moon. You know, it has been nearly 4 years that I haven't watched you carefully. I remember, I used to talk to you for several hours when I was in my beautiful and peaceful hometown. But as I lost in the jungle of concrete, I was really rude to you. I understand how does it feel to lose a best company for four years. I am really sorry for my indifference. Dear moon, Today is not the full-moon day. That's why you are not showing all of your face. One fourth of your body is covered with darkness or may be with shyness. I watched you very carefully just few minutes ago. I saw you really unstable and blushed to see me after long silence. While I was watching you continuously, your face was like of a Nepali women, w...

Dear Today How are you? You may be fine But I am not. You will be here for 10 hours more. and tomorrow you will not be here. Yeterday November 29 was here. Honestly, I am hating you. I dont want you to be here more though I have to suffer you all the day and till midnight. I know winter is injecting you by its bitter coldness. Dont worry I am also the victim. Though sun is teasing me straight through the window of my room. cold air is blowing. It is moving the curtains in the window, as well as my hair. Kathmandu is calm from one angle, as if it is mourning on the lost of wonderful Autumn days. The buildings around are challenging the movement in the road. The road is dusty. The vehicles are never tired of piling on. The Fulchoki Mountain in front of me is covering itself with the scarf of fog. I cant see its height right now. A big disc antena on the top of the next building is face to face with son in the sky. It may be asking the sun not to hide soon. I know it will miss the sun w...

Dear Albert Einstein, You died in 1955. I was born in 1985. I was born exactly 30 years after you died. Sometimes, I think I was born as your re-incarnation. I know this may sound very ridiculous. But dear Albert, read this letter very carefully, I am not just writing the meaningless sentences with psychic syndromes. I am talking about possibilities of science and mystery behind it. But, the reason behind writing you letter after decades is different. The reason was just a moment of millisecond when I was having tea in cafeteria. I can't imagine the power behind that portion of second. And I am still unsure how the moment fused into an urge to write you. Let's leave it. Let me jump to the topic. I know you are not used to keeping yourself busy with any non-theoretical statements. Dear Albert, sometimes I feel, after you died your soul roamed in this universe observing the unsolved mysteries. I think your soul was tired of dealing only with facts. It was really tired of sea...

Dear Reality, You are really bitter. You are really unwanted. You are shocking, you are disgusting, you are disturbing, you are haunting, you are everything that I dont want you to be. But why you are always there behind the scene? Why you are playing the role of antagonist in my life. I know the reason, Because you are reality. I know you are reality but why I still hate you? I hate you that is the reality. Dear Reality, when I was dreaming to kiss the Mt Everest and drink the milk of paradise, you stopped me. You have always aborted the fetus of my dream. When I was saying I deserve, you were insisting that I dont. Reality, you are the jerk between the colorful transition between me and my angel. You are the reason why I love her and you are the reason why she doesnt. How dare you to be the reason of different feelings at a same time? Dont you ever feel guilty to change your mask frequently? Reality, Why you are always attached with me? you are the only thing conjoined with me th...

Dear 3257 visitors, This letter addresses all of you who have visited my blog and reading this letter right now. Now I have 3257 visitors in this blog. I am really proud of myself and I want to express profound gratitude to all those visitors for their overwhelming support. I did not have any specific idea when I started blogging. I tried to blog in almost all popular blog sites. But finally I am stick with the windows live space. Technically it is updated frequently, people can see my updated space in their messenger. So it was easy way to express my ideas, beliefs and feelings to the world. When I was studying in university, the theory of "Global Village" by Marshall McLuhan, was one of the stuff, I didn't believe in. But now myself being a part of global village. I am connected to all kind of people in the world, who keep themselves busy in the village of cyberspace. A freak from California, a geek from Paris, a frustrated student from India, an IT girl from Romania...

Dear Dolly, All I know is that you are a girl who laughs a lot and makes me smile when I talk to you or when I think about you . But I have also seen you crying so many times. I think people smile with everybody but they cry with only few. I am really thankful to you for sometimes crying with me. It is really a rare opportunity to be reflected on someone's tears. You are the one who has shared this much tears and cheers with me. Dear Dolly, today is the 41th day since we knew each other for the first time. I hadn't expected the intimacy to reach this level just in six weeks. I hadn't expected you would be such a wonderful reason to smile, to share and care. Anyone outsider of our relationship may find the situation a bit ridiculous, unbelievable and dramatic. But I am enjoying this drama where two characters from different corner of the world are sharing the things that they never shared with anyone before. This drama between you and me is full of profound level of natura...

Dear Winter, You must mind your arrival this time. You came without any invitation. And you came without any pre-hints. You have come such rudely that I happened to be reminded of the moment when I met my ex girl on a dusty noon at bus station. But dear winter, do not dare to overestimate your strength. You have already come into my life 21 times before. And your arrival this time would not be that much different. It would just add another digit to your arrival in my life. Hey winter, I know this year you aint gonna be that much cruel. I think you have heard about Global Warming. Though it is one of the stuff that I don't believe on, scientists are escalating world-wide debate on it. Coz there is nothing left to invent or discover. They have not seen more prospects on head hunting and outdated theory. Dear winter, what I meant to mean is that those fucking scientists would not let you go to the freezing point. Though you will chill up the entire nation, the flag bearer of Global...

Dear miss take It's been nearly one year, since our eyes met for the first time. In the period of one year, I never dared to count the frequency of the meeting of our eyes. I never dared to count the frequency of my dreams, unfurling upon your eyes. That would be like counting the stars. We enjoy counting it, but we never can. I remember you, seeking my eyes in the crowd. I might be wrong. It could be the greatest illusion of the lifetime. But I enjoyed the illusion. You might have also found me busy searching you. I was really indifferent to myself. My daily routine never mattered to me. I never felt my own existence. The stuff roaming all the time inside my mind were you. Are you there? Will you be visible? Will you smile and say hello to me? I know sometimes, I was damn crazy about you. I regret, you never tried to feel me. You can ask my friends, how crazily I was depicting your picture. Just your picture. Just a thrown a single drip of smile from the corner of your face used...

Dear She_rocker,          I remember I had written to you last time in the March of this year. That was a letter of no more than 10 sentences. I don't know whether you watched it. It might have been redirected to the junk folder, or it might have been deleted without being viewed. Or more possibly your boyfriend would have watched it and deleted before you could got it.   The thing that provoked me to write you again is the first anniversary of the day. It has re-intensified the memories, which were on their own way to be blurred.   Dear she_rocker, honestly I hope and I pray you are having a rocking life nowadays. I hope you are not getting disturbed by various factors as you used to be in the past.   The span of one year was just the cascades of another day. Every morning is equally new for you and me. How we play the rhythm of sunshine does matter to us. But unfortunately, I never tried to judge the melody of the life after you left. I never tried to evaluate the strength o...

Dear Nani,   The day before yesterday, I couldn't recognize your voice over telephone. I am feeling sorry for that. more than that I am ashamed to myself. Hope you are doing well there and you are living whatever meant by happily". Its not the fact that I only miss you when festivals like Dashain* and Tihar* occurs. But it is when I miss you profoundly. The 15 days of Dashain has already started, and I am not sure which day is today. I think the main day of the festival is coming within days. Once upon a time, I used to enjoy all days of the festival. You used to be with us and the whole family used to be together. Nowadays, festivals don't matter to me. They do not add any charisma into my life. Festivals come. Festivals go. Kathmandu is reeling with varieties of weather. Yesterday it was raining. Now I am seeing a sunny day through the window of my room. Birds and kites are competing to fly higher. The only difference is that, kite is connected to thread and birds are to...

  There were fi ve stars, today in my horoscope, but I am passing through unnecessary hurdles. I was willing to share launch with Maria. I called her but she was not interested. I hanged the phone up, so rudely. I will not call her. Now it's her turn to say sorry. Minutes later, Kitty called me. She is my college-mate. She wanted to meet me to do some college projects. I said ok. But I am not interested to meet her. She is damn ugly. Honestly I don't like her, But in college I am used to spend most of the time with her. I think, I will switch my phone off, to discard her call. She said she will call me to fix the venue. Lots of thinking is unfurling inside the mind. I want to put them into words, to publish in the same diary of gentleman. I tried to open the browser, but the connection is not active. I wonder what all the IT staffs in my office are for. Blogger Beta home page has been hardly opened, but when tried to sign in, same error message, "cannot find server...

I am 22 years old. Spent nearly half of the life. (Human's age is 40). Stumbled up and down between learning and living. Sometimes, I miss my childhood. Professionally I am a journalist. I respect this profession, but I dont like many journalist in my country. They are injected with very narrow thoughts. But nowdays they are improving themselves than in the past. I work for a prominent television in Kathmandu. I am a sports news anchor cum reporter. I was never interested in sports. But I am happened to work in sports department. I am trying to enjoy job. I am interested in photojournalism. But I dont have camera. I had one, but lost. My principle on life keeps on changing. But ultimately I believe in happiness. Happiness of all people in the world. I am cyer fanatic and I spend lots of time in Internet. I want to travel to africa and give the voice to voiceless. My Ideal persons are Kofi Annan, Bill Gates and every American president till. I am inspired to write this bolg, by a Ba...

Dear Bill Gates, I dont expect my letter to be a blow to microsoft and your personal dreams upon it. I believe you respect the freedom of expression as I do. I dont think that you know me by my name. But you could know me if you had shared any of your coffee-break with one of your technical staff of customer service officer in Microsoft. I belive your technical staff has told you about a guy from Nepal, who frequently sends the error reports, feedbacks and bunches of bugs to your digital box. I am not writing you to suggest a new idea of challenging your rival Apple nor I am writing to draft a missionary project in Kenya. Thats your job, you can simultaneously fight with malaria and your digital rivals. I am not much interested to that things. Today I am writing just to let you know that, I have decided to discard all services by microsoft and enter a new user space of another digital giant. The first execution of my declaration begins with Msn Space. (I regret I should have started ...

the world outside the window of my room is beautiful, the panorama is wide, weather is not clear but the vision. I have been transferred to a new room with a new window infront of my desk. Time matters when we talk about intimacy, I had started loving that room, that window and the vision outsides from there, but now it seems as everything is strange for me, as it is the first day in my office. I was in previous room since the time I joined this office, it was nearly 8 or more months ago, the room is in fourth floor and has window facing the south. I used see the blue sky that has plunged into the walls of mountains, that I guess Fulchoki and Chandragiri mountain. I rarely used to open the window slider in my early days. But the intensification of the heat in the mid summer evoked me to open the windows all the time when I am in that room. Sometimes, I spend scores of times staring outside that window and enjoying the moments. Sometimes life was beautiful from that window and sometimes...

Dear miss Invisilia, i am wondering about the question mentioned above, previously i had talked top you about the color of dream, size of dream, dimensions of dream and all the possible attributes, in the period of time i am again the victim of self prisoner, i know what is good, i know what ios bad, but i fear i dont have much knowledge about the execution of bad or good things on a proper time, thats why the my frequecy of getting deceived by time, dreams and people around me can be measured in UHF (ultra high frequency),  days ago I talked with Eminem about all these things, he was surprised to listen my feelings as he found that similar to him.... sometimes, transformation around me give a alternate shock, the latest example is Mr Albert, I knew albert 4 years ago in University, the intimacy has been developed like anything... you know 10 years ago Albert was a culprit in Dhaka University and he was dismissed from his college, but the strong man learned the reality life himself a...